January 2012
32 posts
foodament
Jenn: oh the job fair was wonderful
Jenn: i walked in eating chicken strips
Conci: HAHAHA
Jenn: a guy from the army gave me a bag
Conci: We used to eat a lot of those.
Jenn: so i could put away my chicken strips
Jenn: i said "oh thank you" and just carried it
Jenn: ben cherry walked up to me
Jenn: and he said
Conci: JAJAJAHAHAHAJAJAJA
Jenn: he SAID TO ME
Jenn: "seriously jenn shouldn't you start thinking about your future"
Jenn: i was wearing a lime green shirt with japanese kanji on it
Jenn: and lime green dress slacks
Conci: Ben Cherry! That's a name I haven't heard in years!
Jenn: i was like
Jenn: "ben
Jenn: "it's on lockdown
Jenn: "look at this upward trajectory"
Jenn: *eats a chicken tender*
Jenn: oh with MAYONNAISE
Jenn: i think that's the part that really horrified people
Conci: I love mayonaise and hot sauce.
Conci: Or mayonaise and bbq.
Conci: AND cheese sauce.
Jenn: mmm
Jenn: yeah i was mixing mayo and ketchup because the bbq sauce was always so bad in uh
Conci: OMG how did I not weigh 5000 lbs...
Jenn: what was the name of our food center
Jenn: kellogg school of foodament
Conci: Probably because as much as I ate that stuff I'd forget to eat 2-3 other meals.
Conci: Norris.
Jenn: well and we hoofed and biked everywhere
Jenn: ah yes, "norris foodent center"
Conci: Allison.
Conci: nice
Jenn: "allison fooding hall"
Jenn: "tech"
Conci: Oh god, Tech...
Conci: Puke in its initial state.
Jenn: no i lost weight in college because i ok i worked out at a gym but ALSO i started smoking but ALSO i was eating relatively square meals
Jenn: but every morning that meal was
Jenn: vanilla ice cream
Jenn: topped with
Jenn: froot loops
Jenn: and for lunch
Conci: Good lord.
Jenn: a grilled cheese sandwich
Conci: No wonder you have a brain tumor.
wedding dresses
Jenn: CONCI YOU FUCKING TWERP
Jenn: that is BEAUTIFUL
Conci: Did you just call me a twerp?!
Jenn: yes
Conci: I thought you'd like it.
Jenn: "oh la i sent you a little photo maybe you'll be interested la la"
Jenn: FUCK YOU
Jenn: that is AWESOME
Conci: hahaha
Jenn: i love the uh the structure in the top and the flowy OH you know why you like it?
Jenn: because it's totally MARILYN
Conci: Best part 2011 end-of-year sample sale...75% off.
Jenn: it's got marilyn tits
Jenn: i love it
Conci: Oh I know. I actually went in with 1000 pictures of Marilyn and Marilyn-esque dresses.
Jenn: yeah i think that is the best most flattering cinched-waist flowy sleeveless dress i have seen
Jenn: just the right amount of tit
Jenn: "church tit"
Conci: I told Nihki I wanted sleek and stunning...like Marilyn.
Jenn: i am obsessed with this idea
Jenn: there is a perfect amount of cleavage
Conci: Nice.
Jenn: that really makes you look dressed up
Jenn: too little
Jenn: and you look like a farmer
Jenn: too much and you're a strumpet
Jenn: hard for us bosomy girls to find that UH DIVIDE, IF YOU WILL
Conci: I'm naming my wedding the farmer and the strumpet.
Jenn: oh my god
Jenn: please also theme it that way
Jenn: JK JK
Conci: I think I'd be murdered in my sleep by various people.
Jenn: so i am obsessed with the perfect amount of cleavage being, like, the most important accessory you can nail down
Conci: ABSOLUTELY!
Conci: Most dresses just aren't usually made for those of us with boobs, unless you have A LOT of excess everywhere else.
Jenn: yeah
Conci: Particularly if you delve into the over DD range.
Conci: It's infuriating.
Conci: I want to get famous enough to have someone design the Conci line for the short and well-endowed.
Conci: VERY well endowed.
Jenn: short and very well endowed
Jenn: ugh
Jenn: nailed it
Jenn: "try to look sleek ladies"
Jenn: uh
Jenn: i am the brick shithouse of femininity
Conci: hahaha
1 tag
Alas we are not real life friends. Yet.
Oh. Well you are correct that I love trivia and reasonably-priced beer. What is your town’s trivia night like
Ask me anything
1 tag
Wanna go to my bar's trivia night with me? You get...
Wow! Sure! I will pick a name that is super embarrassing. Are we already friends? How much I embarrass us hinges on whether I know you and/or how far I have to travel to get to trivia night.
Ask me anything
1 tag
What makes you happy?
“to be the eyes and ears and conscience of the creator of the universe”
Ask me anything
I'm hosting punk rock karaoke →
themason:
Feb 3rd, Beauty Bar, Zine Fest fundraiser, go!
THE FACT THAT I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO ATTEND PUNK KARAOKE BY MY APARTMENT, AS OPPOSED TO OVER AT ARLENE’S GROCERY, GIVES ME A DISTINCT CAPS-LOCK TYPE OF GRIEF
The Rumpus - Ten Reasons Not to Sleep with a Poet →
blockbuster night
Guy: So you just want to re-rent these.
Me: Yes, please.
Guy: Didn't get a chance to watch 'em?
Me: Well...! HOW am I supposed to make time for 'The Client List' when 'Untouchable: the Drew Peterson Story' was on Lifetime tonight.
Guy: You can't!
Me: I know!
Other guy: She'll save money if she just keeps them.
Me: What's that?
Other guy: It's 99 cents for every day overdue. So just pay the 99 cents, instead of paying a dollar 99 to rent them again.
Me: Ooh.
Guy: Wanna do that instead?
Me: [puts DVDs in purse] Thanks for saving me two dollars!
Guy: Yeah!
Me: Unless this is going to affect my credit rating.
Guy: Oh, no. They don't actually ever see--
Me: I'm kidding.
Guy: Oh, OK.
good morning
Me: Whatcha think? How's it looking in there?
Ultrasonographer: I can't tell you that! You will have to ask your doctor that!
Me: Uh. Yes, of course.
Meet the Star of Tonight’s ‘Criminal Minds,’ Jeff... →
I know I posted a bunch of cute things earlier, but they weren’t going into the actual interview. Here is the actual interview instead.
Sorry, Tony
Jeff: My friends made this show that is just so, so good, Jenny. But, like, [Gubler] did a guest spot on it, Tony Hale did a guest spot on it---
Jenny: Hngh. Yeah, Tony Hale is good.
Jeff: I think Buster is the towering comedic performance of our time.
Jenny: I liked that show that failed. What was that? What am I thinking of?
Jeff: Andy Richter Controls the Universe, maybe?
Jenny: No. It was the other--
Jeff: --the other Andy Richter show. The detective show?
Jenny: The detective procedural. Right. And Tony Hale was on that, and I was like "This is gonna be so good!" and then one day I was just like "This is so not on TV right now, when I expected it to be," and I was very upset.
Jeff: Yeah, man. Yeah. He--he blows my mind.
Jenny: I am getting really sidetracked. I don't know how much we need to talk about Tony Hale in your interview.
Jeff: Yeah, probably not at all.
I am supposed to work this part in "organically"
Jeff: Could you please find a way to include your confusion of Joe Mantegna with Joe Montana? Could you please? My word! "It's like that time Joe Mantegna threw that touchdown pass to Dwight Clark! That was so great! Remember?"
Jenny: You know I love the 49ers.
Jeff: The *one* football team you could have gotten right.
Jenny: No, I know, it's horrible. No, I know--I *kind* of know--who Joe Mantegna is.
Jeff: He's Fat Tony, Jenny!
Jenny: What?
Jeff: He's Fat Tony! From the Simpsons!
Jenny: Oh! Is that true?
Jeff: The mob boss? Yeah. I mean, he's a million things.
Jenny: OK, who else is on the show. Mark Harmon? Mark Harmon, right?
Jeff: No. That's NCIS.
This, however, stays.
Jenny: So what is this show called?
Jeff: It's this little independent project called Criminal Minds.
Jenny: Oh! I've heard of that!
Jeff: 'Cause you're super plugged-in to the art film scene.
Jenny: Yes. That's right. Explain to me who you are?
Jeff: Uh.
Jenny: 'Cause I have never seen you before in my life.
Jeff: Yeah, very good.
This part probably won't be in the final draft of...
Jenny: Have you *been* to San Francisco's Chinatown?
Jeff: Oh, yeah. A couple times.
Jenny: Really?
Jeff: Yeah.
Jenny: Do you know that once I, uh--I'd never seen Chinatown so crowded. And people were moving up the street and sidewalk in two lanes. And we were all just slowly squeezing past one another. And *that* is how I slowly *squeezed* *past* David Krumholtz and his shopping bag. And as I slowly pressed myself by him and stared up at him in stunned awe, I contemplated shouting 'Nuh, nuh, Numbers!' at him, something terrible, or 'The Santa Clause'! It would've been one of the two--and instead I just *stared* at him as I sloooowly pressed past him, just in this awful, oozing flow of traffic. It was really, um, like a viscous movement of people in opposite directions. Yeah! Like a street grinding on itself.
Jeff: Well played. Good celebrity encounter.
Jenny: Yes, just like slowly--just, yeah, "Is now the time to say hello? No, it isn't. This moment passed."
Jeff: Yeah, probably.
Jenny: Reeeeeeally slowly, though. Because of the crowd. And it was very loud.
An interview with Jeff Newburg, who stars on...
Jeff: So... everything that just went down was your fault. You weren't online.
Jenny: That was it?
Jeff: Yeah. Like--as soon as you went online, I could find you.
Jenny: Is your beard GRAY?
Jeff: There's a, right, like, right here.
Jenny: Is that REAL?
Jeff: And like right he-- [laughs] No, I had--I had the props department scare this up for me.
Jenny: [Tee-heeing]
Jeff: Yeah, it's... real.
Jenny: That is nuts!
Jeff: Yeah. I don't like shaving. Um.
Jenny: Nope!
Jeff: Yep, this is what I look like right now. For now. I need a haircut, but... yeah!
Jenny: Yeah, you--you--you look like y-you escaped a Cronenberg movie.
Jeff: Oh. I'd rather get CAUGHT by a Cronenberg movie.
Jenny: Uh-huh.
Jeff: But--OK. Um, yeah, the guy on TV this week is gonna look a lot different than this.
Jenny: Mhm.
90WPM: Excerpt from My Essay for Distance →
A friend who is editing a thing just sent me a link to this amazing thing. He figured I’d be interested (well…!). If you’re into gambling, ethics, and the cons of yore, check out the full excerpt, itself excerpted below:
90wpm:
The past few days have been a whirlwind of writing, editing, and constant collaboration with my editor. The end result of this was that the essay is...
1 tag
Cool, thanks! Since I didn't include a question...
Oh, OK. Hmm. This is really hard, but I’ll try. 1) Super Metroid, 2) Metroid II: Return of Samus, 3) Metroid: Prime, 4) Fusion, 5) Pinball, 6) Zero Mission, 7) OG Metroid, 8) 3-D DS, 9) 3-D II, 10) 3-D III, 11) Other M
Ask me anything
1 tag
Confession time: I'm a Metroid liker not a Metroid...
This isn’t a question. OH. You want to be absolved, huh. OK, I will tell you a secret: you have played more Metroid than most people who “love” Metroid.
Your penance: play Return of Samus and Metroid Pinball
Ask me anything
1 tag
Would you prefer prehensile dreadlocks or three...
Is this some kind of Neuromancer question? I am having some trouble answering it, actually. In my teen years I would’ve said claws, definitely, because well obviously, but these days I think arms swinging from my skull medusa-style might be the way to roll. If I’m going to a fancy event I’ll just try to tuck it all under a big knit hat.
Ask me anything
1 tag
Your voice is pretty. They should call you "pretty...
I am very insecure about my voice. I really have to concentrate on smoothing it out, so that speaking is a little like singing. When I was a kid, due to some pressure from a director — this woman had cast me in something thinking my voice would “clear up” — my parents had me checked for vocal nodules. It turns out I just sound like this.
A lot of people have remarked on my...
1 tag
Favourite Coen brothers film?
It is a terrible tie between ‘Barton Fink’ and ‘No Country,’ although for most of my young adulthood I felt the answer was ‘The Man Who Wasn’t There.’
Ask me anything
animatedscreenshots:
LOOM
Too Boring to Win
Me: Drop the remote!
Mom: I'm changing it.
Me: I am WATCHING THIS. You aren't interested in the 2008 financial meltdown?
Mom: Uh.
Me: William Hurt! James Woods! Paul Giamatti! Tony Shalhoub! This cast! Are you kidding me?
Mom: Yolanda, what are you watching.
Yolanda: Channel 109. This woman got shot in the face. And her husband is having this affair...
Mom: I want to watch that.
Me: COME ON!
Ready Player One: Ready Player One tops several... →
Dear book,
First of all, I am very excited. I have never been followed on Tumblr by a book before! Second of all, your timing was providential, because a copy of you is one of three things I received for Christmas (I also received: a colander, another book). I am looking forward to reading you because I really enjoyed Vurt the year it came out, and I liked the mysteriousness of Lucky Wander Boy,...
This is the worst
Yes I really did pay $20 to a secure proxy server so that I can start surfing Tumblr at my mom’s. Apparently South Texas is in China
edit: I mean, the local ISP actually blocks Tumblr. What is that, even? I’m not in a middle school computer lab, here.
December 2011
34 posts
Memphis
Dear Diary,
At 11pm, I decided to pack up and move to the next truck stop, which was in Memphis. I think I was delaying because I knew I’d have to about-face and drive a few hours out of my way, and in the opposite direction of my mother.
This ought to have felt OK, but at 11pm on Monday night, it really only felt bad. I mean, I had to do some gas-math on my phone and ignore some guilt...
bad man blogs a thing: cool easy caramels →
I am going to let you guys in on a little secret: THESE CARAMELS ARE UNREAL
And a second secret I just discovered: THEY’RE FROM A FRIEND OF MINE AND I DID NOT EVEN REALIZE (“otherwise I never would have made all those jokes about poison!”)
metempsych:
since it don’t exist anywhere except my head and i’ve had requests for it:
cool easy caramels
ingredients
1 c...
recent victims of a combination of certain things
This one turned out amazing!
vogdoid:
poetrybyemilydickinson:
i am become refrigerator. i am become sports fan. get up, you problem; you bad person. come here. climb in. get cool.
///////////////
REMIX by mbt
ORIGINAL TEXT by Beach_Sloth, zackschuster, haha_what, handlingdoom, EyeDoc11
Flavors of Grief
We have tried to invent several different terms to describe the normal — though not necessarily healthy — grief reactions people have in response to certain events. Here are some of them.
Bereavement: Bereavement is the state of loss, while grief is the response to loss.
Mourning: A societally-dictated grief response that includes manners, rituals, and customary attitudes, as well as...
My Loud, Obnoxious Grief
“Did you know Al died six months ago today?” my mom whispered. “Today, six months ago. And Ashley died this morning. I wonder —”
Ashley was 18, though. “That cat could smoke and vote,” I reminded my mom. She sobbed.
I remember how sturdy I was when my adopto-dad died. I was parked with my cousin and we were waiting for her cheeseburger when she sobbed...
Me: oh thank you! i don't know when i ruined the mix and now i am just too tired to mess with it
Me: mike i am so sad about all this
Mike: i know you are dearest
Me: anyway, you should listen to this, it's really good!
Me: my friend listened to the first 15 minutes of that thing and he was amazed! he just could not believe how polished and how much work
Me: also
Me: i wish i were still in his life if only to fix that fucking webpage
Mike: haha
Mike: i know that feeling, though usually it's newspaper articles and not websites
OK! It’s almost done! The vocals are still...
1 tag
Hey just wanted to say that I listened to your...
Thanks! Thank you! Thanks! I didn’t write it.
Ask me anything
This is only half-finished because I can’t...
